3 · Politeness and social language
Modesty and compliments
turning praise aside and playing your own things down
A compliment is turned aside rather than simply accepted, and what is your own is played down.
The traditional answer to a compliment is to wave it away. Told 你的中文说得真好, a speaker says 哪里哪里 — literally “where? where?”, meaning “not at all” — or 还差得远呢, “I still have a long way to go”. 过奖了, “you praise me too much”, is the more formal version.
A plain 谢谢 was once felt to be a little immodest. Today it is perfectly normal, especially among younger people, and it sounds best with something modest after it: 谢谢，我还在学, “thank you, I'm still learning”. That combination is safe with anyone.
The same modesty applies to what is your own. A gift is 一点儿小意思, “just a small token”; your own work was 做得不好 even when it went well; a host at a full table says 没什么菜, “there is hardly anything to eat”. And 不好意思 — “I feel embarrassed” — covers small apologies, interruptions and the awkwardness of receiving a favour. It is lighter than 对不起.
These are rituals, not statements of fact, and the real mistake is to take them literally. When a host says the food is nothing special, the answer is praise — 太丰盛了, “it's a feast” — never agreement. Accepting a compliment a little too readily is a small slip; agreeing with somebody's modesty is a real one.
The form
| praise turned aside | 哪里哪里。 |
| you flatter me | 您过奖了。 |
| still far from good | 还差得远呢。 |
| thanks, with modesty | 谢谢，我还在学。 |
| a small token | 一点儿小意思。 |
The rules one by one
The form this topic is about
Praise is turned aside rather than simply accepted.
你的汉字写得真漂亮！——哪里哪里。Your characters are beautifully written! — Oh, not at all.
谢谢 is fine today and sounds best with something modest after it.
谢谢，我还要多练习。Thank you — I still need lots of practice.
Your own gift, cooking or work is played down.
这是一点儿小意思，请收下。This is just a little something — please accept it.
不好意思 covers small apologies and the awkwardness of receiving a favour.
不好意思，我来晚了。Sorry I'm late.
When a host plays the meal down, answer with praise, never with agreement.
没什么菜……——太丰盛了！There's hardly anything to eat … — It's a feast!
A closer look
How much modesty today
The habits are changing. Among young people in the cities, a firm 哪里哪里 can sound old-fashioned or even comic, and a smiling 谢谢 is the normal answer to a compliment. With older people, in formal settings and at work, the traditional deflection is still the safer choice.
Modesty about yourself has a twin: generosity towards others. Praise is given freely — 你太厉害了, “you are amazing”, 辛苦了, “you have worked so hard” — and a learner who returns compliments as readily as they turn them aside has understood the system.
How to spot it
- 哪里哪里
- 过奖
- 不好意思
- 小意思
- 还差得远
Example sentences
你的中文说得真好！——哪里哪里，还差得远呢。Your Chinese is really good! — Oh, not at all, I still have a long way to go.
您过奖了，这都是大家的功劳。You flatter me — the credit belongs to everyone.
不好意思，让你破费了。Oh, you really shouldn't have spent money on me.
我做得不好，请多指教。I didn't do it very well — I'd be grateful for your advice.
谢谢你的夸奖，我会继续努力的。Thank you for the kind words — I will keep working at it.
今天没准备什么，大家随便吃。I haven't prepared anything much today — please help yourselves.
8 more example sentences
你太厉害了！——哪里，我只是运气好。You are amazing! — Not really, I was just lucky.
不好意思，打扰一下。Sorry to bother you.
这是我家乡的茶叶，一点儿小意思。This is tea from my home town — just a small token.
大家别客气，菜做得不好，多吃点儿。Don't be shy, everyone — the cooking isn't up to much, but do eat plenty.
您太客气了，我只是做了该做的。You are too kind — I only did what I should.
你唱得真好听！——谢谢，我平时很少唱。You sing beautifully! — Thank you, I hardly ever sing.
不好意思，我没听清楚。Sorry, I didn't quite catch that.
他笑着说：“过奖了，过奖了。”He smiled and said, “You flatter me, really.”
Worth knowing (1)
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Nǎli nǎli is not a question
哪里 normally asks “where?”, but doubled after a compliment it asks nothing: it means “where is this thing you are praising?”, that is, “it is not there”. It is said with a falling, relaxed intonation and no question mark.
你真聪明！——哪里哪里，运气好而已。You are so clever! — Not at all, it was just luck.
The trap English speakers fall into
Watch out
The host's modesty is a ritual, not an opinion to agree with. An English speaker would protest here too, but in a foreign language it is easy to answer the words rather than the ritual — and agreeing, even as a joke, sounds rude. Answer modesty with praise.
Turn praise aside, play your own things down, and answer the modesty of others with praise.
Your turn
8 exercises on this topic. Your answers are checked in the browser; none of them leaves your device.