The Difficult Conversation

Marta had been leading the small design team for six months when she realised she could not avoid the conversation any longer. Everybody in the office liked Felix. He organised the coffee breaks, remembered everyone’s birthday and could make even a Monday meeting feel light. But for weeks he had been missing deadlines, and the others had quietly started doing his work.

She prepared carefully. She wrote down three examples, each with a date, and practised a calm first sentence so that it would not sound like an attack. Her plan was simple: describe the problem, explain its effect on the team and agree on a solution. She expected him to become defensive, or perhaps to make a joke of it.

He did neither. After her second example, Felix put his cup down and was silent for a long moment. Then he told her that his father had been very ill since the spring and that he had been driving three hours to the hospital every weekend. He said he had not wanted to tell anyone, because he did not want to be treated differently.

Marta looked at the notes in front of her and realised that her plan was no longer useful. Instead of looking for a solution, she asked him what would actually help. They decided that for the next two months he would work from home on Fridays and that two of his projects would move to a colleague. Felix asked her to tell the team only that he needed some time for family reasons.

When she told this story to a friend later, she said that she had learned more in that hour than in any management course. The examples had been correct. They simply had not been the whole story.

Marta was the leader of a small design team. After six months, she knew that she had to talk to Felix. Everybody in the office liked Felix. He organised the coffee breaks and remembered everyone’s birthday. But he had missed a lot of deadlines, and the others were doing his work.

Marta prepared well. She wrote down three examples with dates. Her plan was simple: describe the problem, explain what it meant for the team, and find a solution. She thought he would get angry or make a joke.

But Felix was quiet for a long time. Then he told her that his father had been very ill since the spring. Every weekend he drove three hours to the hospital. He did not want to tell anyone, because he did not want special treatment.

Marta understood that her plan did not work any more. She asked him what would help. They decided that he would work from home on Fridays for two months. Two of his projects would go to a colleague. The team would only hear that he needed time for his family.

Later Marta told a friend that she learned a lot in that hour. Her examples were correct. But they were not the whole story.