A2 · The two ways of saying you
When to use tu
There is no English instinct for this, so it has to be learnt as a fact.
tu is used between people of the same age, between colleagues, in any relaxed setting, and with anybody younger. That is a good deal wider than a first guess suggests.
Lei is used with strangers, in a shop, in an office, in a restaurant, and with people noticeably older.
The change can be proposed out loud: Diamoci del tu? — « shall we use tu? ». The answer Volentieri settles it.
dare del tu is to use tu, dare del Lei is to use Lei. Both are fixed phrases; English has no verb for either, and it has no name for the thing.
A mistake in one direction costs more than in the other: too much tu too soon reads as pushy, while staying with Lei too long reads only as formal.
Die Form
| Shall we use tu? | Diamoci del tu? |
| We can use tu. | Possiamo darci del tu. |
| to be on tu terms with somebody | dare del tu |
| to be on Lei terms with somebody | dare del Lei |
| Excuse me, may I ask you… (to a friend) | Scusa, ti posso chiedere… |
| Excuse me, may I ask you… (to a stranger) | Mi scusi, Le posso chiedere… |
Die Regeln im Einzelnen
Between people of the same age and between colleagues, tu.
Ciao, come ti chiami?Hello, what is your name?
In a shop, in an office and with strangers, Lei.
Buongiorno, desidera?Good morning, what would you like?
The change is said out loud, not slipped into.
Ma diamoci del tu, per favore.Do let us use tu, please.
ciao always means tu; salve sits in between.
Salve, vorrei un’informazione.Good morning, I would like some information.
Woran man es erkennt
- ciao
- salve
- buongiorno
- diamoci del tu
Beispielsätze
Ciao Marco, come stai?Hello Marco, how are you?
Buonasera, ha una prenotazione?Good evening, do you have a booking?
Possiamo darci del tu, se vuole.We can use tu, if you like.
Salve, scusi il disturbo.Good morning, sorry to disturb you.
Die typisch deutsche Falle
Aufgepasst
ciao is not a neutral greeting. It always means tu, even when a Lei form follows it, and then the sentence contradicts itself in a way an English speaker cannot hear, because « hi » carries no such load. To a stranger it is buongiorno, buonasera, or salve, which sits between the two and forces no choice.
ciao commits you to tu; buongiorno commits you to nothing.
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